{July 15, 2009}   Me and God

I’ve been thinking alot about my relationship with God lately.  I guess it’s been triggered by the huge events that have happened in my life over the last two years.  And I find that I’m asking myself “why”?  I appreciate the fact that he saved our lives in Garland, but I’m wondering why we even had to end up there.  And why it seems we’ve had such bad luck, even though some really good things are also happening at the same time.  Is it my inability to see through the bad?  Because it’s kind of hard when the bad things seem to outweigh the good.  I know that people all over the world are experiencing difficult times right now, but I also have to take my life into my hands.  And that’s also a problem, because how much am I supposed to leave to the big man upstairs?  It seems I’ve been struggling to please everyone.  Everyone, including God.  Trying to do the right thing and at the same time live a life worth living.  I want to do things for myself but I always end up having this overwhelming guilt and then not finishing or following through on things.  Then I feel like I’ve disappointed everyone, including myself.

How do you make yourself happy and make everyone else happy too?

I don’t go to God’s house very often at all; I haven’t been in probably 3 years.  I want to, because I always feel better after I do, but it’s like I’m scared.  The last time was when I visited the Shrine of our Lady Guadalupe down in the Valley and I broke down and cried.  I guess I don’t like that feeling, even if it is a release.  My family never really went to church, so it’s not ingrained in me as something I’m supposed or have to do.  That I should go because I need to, because I want to.  We have our own private relationship with God, and I appreciate it.

I have so much to thank God for, and I always say I’m going to leave it my life up to him, but it’s very hard to put your trust in Him when you don’t feel like you’ve earned it.  How do I get back to that point where I feel comfortable again asking Him for strength? 

Note:  This is just a reflection of hypothetical questions.  You can comment if you like, but don’t preach to me or tell me I need to go to church.  I find it overly righteous and hypocritical when people do that, so if you wanna offer unattached support, I’m down, but if not, please keep it to yourself.  Fanks.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: