{May 28, 2008}   Heavy Tears

So… I broke down last night.  Not one of those eyes-tearing-up-moments.  Full on sobs.  I know, you’re thinking, lexipants, you have it so good right now, why so glum? 

Yesterday was just… stressful.  And it piled on.  And it all came out.  And I can’t hold back any longer.

I had an interview in Dallas yesterday that went pretty well (good wishes please), but it rained on my ALL 6 HOURS of the drive.  I am terrified of driving in torrential downpours and I had to do it all day.  Plus, I was stuck in parking lot traffic in WACO.  Fuckin Waco, figure out your highway system and how to clear wrecks better PLEASE.  It didn’t help that I had to pee that whole hour and it was RAINING.

Damion had some really sad news that set me off.  His ex wife is using their kid just so she can get him out of her life.  She claims she just wants what’s best for her daughter.  Their daughter is autistic, and is really confused by all the changes going on: the divorce, new families, etc.  So she’s pushing their daughter to tell him she doesn’t want him to be her daddy anymore and wants to be adopted by her stepfather.  It’s completely heartbreaking. 

She won’t even give Damion a chance to be a good father.  No matter what he does, he’s completely screwed.  Even if he dumped me and moved back to Missouri, it still wouldn’t be enough for her.  She doesn’t want to believe he’s getting his life together.  She doesn’t care, she just sees their failure and wants to put it on someone other than herself.  Heaven forbid it takes 2 to tango, that it takes two people to have a failed marriage.  It doesn’t matter that she cheated on him, made as many mistakes as he did.  She had a lawyer.  She’s been trying her best to cut him our of their daughter’s life completely, and has convinced that little girl that that’s what she wants, that she wants her stepdad to be her real Dad.  Wow.  Way to go.  What a great mom. 

I know I don’t have a say in this.  But it hurts when I see my fiancee, my wonderful future husband, hurting.  I’m not a little girl.  I know what life is like.  I’ve lived in the real world long enough to know things aren’t perfect.  But I also know a malicious person when I see them.  I know when someone is trying to “win” versus be a good person.

I was extremely lucky that I had a loving and supportive family growing up.  Not just my parents, but extended family too.  We all had our setbacks, but my parents were adults and took care of what they needed to.  They didn’t cut people out of their life with threats.  I’m a little crazy, (aren’t we all?) but on the whole, I’m ok.  I’ve grown up.  I’m still alive. 

So last night, I cried.  I cried for Damion.  I cried for Persephone.  I cried for me.  We’re doing everything, as a couple, in our power to make that little girl happier.  But we’re backed into a corner, and I feel powerless to help the person I love most in this world.  I don’t know what else to do. 


Andrea says:

I really am sad to hear this, for you, Damion, and especially his daughter. I’m praying for you guys, because it would be awful if that sweet little girl was raised by that manipulative woman alone.
You two are good people, just stay strong and keep fighting.

Alexis says:

Well, we’re working through it. Thanks for your support lady.

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